In contrary to the title, I actually don’t believe in the terms “right person at the wrong time”. Many people refer it when they find someone that they think is compatible to be their so-called “the one” but can’t be together because of some circumstances. Some may find the person who is already with someone else, has to fly miles away, or simply is not into relationship at that moment. There can be so many different reasons why a couple can’t be together even when it seems like a good fit.
The intriguing question is:
Is he/she really the one if it is not the right time?
Many of us — or at least I did — may believe that he/she really IS the one. It’s just the time that isn’t right. Well, is it, though? Can time be the one to blame for this?
Learning from Stoicism, we can only control what is within ourselves. Time is clearly not within ourselves. Even though, what we do with the time is what is within ourselves and controllable. Hence, back to our context, we shall focus more on what we can do about the circumstances. I really love this quote from the book I just read:
“If you desire something that you are powerless to obtain, you will be unhappy. Things you can influence and acquire, however, are fully within your grasp.”
Dominique Loreau, L’art de la Simplicité
From that particular chapter of the book, I learned that — in order to be happy — we should only focus on things that are ours: what we think, what we envision, what we do here and now, and what we can truly influence (because it really is something within our grasp). If we have no influence to it, then there is no use trying to obtain it.
It may sound harsh for some people. Like saying “No, he’s not for you girl. Better luck next time!” right to your face. Even when we try to set this aside from our mind but most of the time there comes the “what ifs”. What if he really is the one? What if it is just not the right time?
For these wishful questions, I’ll refer to my most favourite teaching from Deepak Chopra’s 21 Days of Abundance meditation:
“Nature’s intelligence functions with effortless ease . . . with carefreeness, harmony, and love. And when we harness the forces of harmony, joy, and love, we create success and good fortune with effortless ease.”
Deepak Chopra, The Law of Least Effort
I do believe that life is actually that simple. We can go on with life with the least effort possible by following — and accepting — what the Universe has brought us. From this teaching, I am assured that there is NO right person at the wrong time. Because if that person is the right one then the time will be right too.
People come to our life for so many reasons. We are the ones who need to seek the real meaning from each event in our life. Believing how the Universe works also means that we believe that there is no such thing as coincidence. People who pass by may have something that can improve our life and improve us as a being. It may be a life lesson, a new wisdom, an opportunity to grow, or simply a way for us to love ourselves even more. There is nothing wrong with it, depends on how we want to perceive it (Stoic!).
For things that we can’t control, we shall let the Universe be in charge. My formula is to do the least possible effort, because:
“Love nothing but that which comes to you woven in the pattern of your destiny. For what could more aptly fit your needs?”
Marcus Aurelius
By leaving our wanting-to-control behind, we can live more freely and at peace. Sometimes — unintentionally — we expect life to be as we desire: we want that person to be ours, we want that job, we want that house, we want that life, we want… you name it. We definitely can affirm it, yet the result will remain uncontrollable. And we shall let our desire go as we accept what life is giving us. If the person is truly for us, it will come to our way at the right time.
“What is yours will find you.”
Imam ‘Alī bin Abī Thālib a.s.
