I just got a self-revelation a couple weeks back after I watched the This is Paris Documentation. In one of the sections about her abusive experience, Paris Hilton said “I was gonna do anything in my power to be so successful that my parents could never control me again… I think all my anger just went in as my drive for success.”
Her sentence hit me hard.
I never went into a boarding school nor experienced any abusive experience by an institution. I would not go into details on what my parents did to me exactly but one think I couldn’t get out of my head was the feeling of not getting enough support for what I did. And yes, I’ve been raised by an over-protective mother with so many rules that I have to follow. Which somehow made me thought the same as Paris: I want to be successful as the price of my freedom.
If I look back — when I went to my psychologist — I remembered she told me to be more mature in dealing with my parents if I don’t want to be controlled. Maturity could be in the form of independence: financial independence and emotional independence. It was back when I was still in college, I couldn’t be financial independent yet. Thus, I focused more on being more emotional independent, where I had to be much calmer everytime I had conflicts with my mom. Yet the terms “financial independence” sticked to my head, it became my drive for success. It became my drive to get my definition of freedom.
I realized how I became so restless in working. I worked so hard and became extra ambitious in building my career. I got so irritated every time my friends told me how lucky I was to have such privilege from my parents so that I could become who I am right now — I didn’t think it was because of my parents because I (thought I) strived it myself. I wouldn’t let my mother paid for any of my needs. I even bought myself a car, even that my mother already had 2 that I could use. It’s so obvious that I would do anything in order to “rule” my own life. Yet it wasn’t that obvious to me. I didn’t realize that I did all those just for the sake of “escaping”. Until that moment at 3 in the morning when I watched Paris’ documentation.
What’s wrong with that intention? To see it from career progression perspective, I must say it’s pretty effective to get me going. Yet, if I wondered why I could never have sufficient savings for my future self, I know for sure it’s because I never intended to work for my future self — but for my present freedom. Which is not quite healthy.
Then I started to do mentorship to really know what I need to do to reach my dream — real dream this time. I met Metha — a COO and Cofounder of Sayurbox. I met her from WomenWorks mentorship, where I asked how she first started her own startup. She then slapped me right on the face with her saying:
“Every time I want to do something, I always focus on the “what” and “why”. “What” I want to do, as the direction. And “why” I want to do it, as the drive. Because the “how” can always change over time”
Metha Trisnawati, COO and Cofounder of Sayurbox
I always know the “what”: what startup I want to build, what business model I want to make, what kind of segments I want to target. Yet I never really know my “why” — or to be more exact, in my case — I may know the more purposeful “why” but my old-and-obnoxious “why” always tries to get in my way.
So I sought for help. I really love how the Universe conspired to help me in this one. My last stress-relief meditation with Rumah Remedi was so special. Both of the founders were in the session. And unlike usual, the participants were so quiet in the session — which kind of woke my inner Leo — so I asked the question: “How should I release my old intention and focus on the more purposeful one?”
Surprisingly, Ferry — the Chairman and Founder of Rumah Remedi — directly answered my question. He mentioned about finding my new intention. How? It’s by following Stephen Covey’s 2nd Habit: Begin with end in mind. Who I want to become in the future? What kind of emotions I want to shower myself with? What are the things I want to create in the future?
Ferry mentioned that I have to be very specific in defining my intention. Because to only wish for “the best” may not always result in the kind of emotions we want to feel — the best may not makes us happy, the best may not makes us prosperous, the best may not be the abundance itself.
“To begin with the end in mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination. It means to know where you are going so that you better understand where you are now and so that the steps you take are always in the right directions.”
Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
In addition to that, Ferry also mentioned that I have to set my focus on what’s important. As for now, that I still have my old intention within me — even that I don’t like it at all— I have to be able to release all the repressed emotions that comes with it. What is the emotions I feel with my old intention? Anger? Pride? Sadness? I then can focus my attention on releasing it with the saying: “Although I feel angry, arrogant and sad because of my old intention, I accept it as it is.” Because when we accept, we can then easily release the uncomfortable emotions and focus on the good things that we have in our real intention. Yet the process may not be easy but completely doable.
I feel like sometimes we set the wrong intention in so many things. Like for example, we do good deeds in order to help a person to make that person happy but then we wonder why we don’t feel happy ourselves. Yet the answer is stated in the statement, because we intend to make the other person happy, not ourselves. Many time — at least for myself — we forget to set the intention of what we really want to feel or receive or become as the outcome.
“Intention is like the mission statement (north star) in a company. Intention will influence our actions (past-present-future). Attention (focus) will become our perception (now) and will influence how we perceive the action and reality around us. Intention + Attention = Connection with The Universe”
Ferry Fibriandani, Chairman and Founder of Rumah Remedi
The explanation from Ferry above confused me in my first 3 rounds of reading. “What does it really mean?” I thought. Then I started to realize that it makes so much sense. Our intention will always influence our action. We choose what we want to do based on what we intend to. And what we put our attention to in life, will become our reality. Meaning that our life will feel as small as what we put our focus on. For example, when we really focus on an exam, the whole week will feel like the exam itself — we may not aware which actress who just got divorced or got in jail that time.
Then what does it correlate to the “Connection with The Universe”? It took me much more time to digest — and I may revise it later as I become wiser and smarter — but from what I can understand now, when we put the right intention and attention, it will become the affirmation/prayer that the Universe (or The Source or God) will help to get it come true and make it our destiny. Because conscious or unconsciously, we will progressively plant the seeds (take the right actions) and eventually reap the fruits (get the outcome we desire).
“You are what your deepest desire is. As your desire is, so is your intention. As your intention is, so is your will. As your will is, so is your deed. As your deed is, so is your destiny.”
Upanishads, Vedic
So what’s the next steps? For me is to answer the question of what my real intention is and be very exact about it. Then I need to put my attention to the right things — which for now the right thing is to release my repressed emotions from my childhood. And I’ll focus my action based on these two things. Not to rush it, progressively moving forward.
Enough about me. What is your intention?
“An intention is a directed impulse of consciousness that contains the seed form of that which you aim to create. Like real seeds, intentions can’t grow if you hold on to them. Only when you release your intentions into the fertile depths of your consciousness can they grow and flourish.”
Deepak Chopra, 5 Steps to Setting Powerful Intentions
